Hide and Seek – A Boy Lost and a Man Found

(This is the second article ever written for the MDI Legacy Magazine, back when it was called "Official Legacy Discovery Blog".

This magazine was conceived by Justin LaBarge and other MDI men working on the Legacy Discovery men's weekend. It was a plain WordPress blog, and the first two articles were written by Robert Munafo and Jim Ellis.

You can see the original version of this blog on the Internet Archive Wayback Machine:

web.archive.org/web/20130503092622/http://www.legacydiscovery.net/blog/

The 2010 WordPress magazine was eventually forgotten, and most MDI men believe that the Magazine began in 2013.

Hide and Seek – A Boy Lost and a Man Found

Author: jimellis1103 | Filed under: PERSONAL DISCOVERY, SPIRITUAL DISCOVERY

9 Jun 2010

It was the summer of 1974 that Jamie Jordan moved to Irvine. That was the time that I first remember being lost. I was 9 years old.

And even at that tender age I somehow held in my heart and gut what it meant for a young male to lose the very vital bond of the masculine. And it would be something I would have to work on retrieving, embracing and cultivating my entire life. It’s a journey that many men have had to take in our present day society: finding themselves again after a time of losing what it actually means to be male.

Even the mere mention of the concept of “being a man” or “embracing masculinity” or “knowing yourself as a male” can bring a response of confusion, mockery and even, for some, disdain. What you mostly get is a joke and a nervous sort of laughter. So what are we even talking about here?

I didn’t know it at the time, but what my best friend Jamie represented to me – back when he moved from Cambay Lane in Huntington Beach to the far, far faraway outskirts of Irvine – was the masculine spirit that can barely be defined. How can you define a spirit? What words to use? Freely expressive, outrageously competitive, a brother to rely on, an honorable ally, protective of what we love, yet free to be aggressive with what we hate?

This is surface attention on that which lies so deep. For definition sake, it’s easier to paint some pictures from the past, such as: tribesman taking the youth out to receive the gifts of nature – learning of the rivers, rocks and wildlife. But for the more recent past:

The image of a boy hitting a girl in grammar school? That boy never heard the end of it from the other boys.

Rough housing, calling each other “jerk” or “dork” – then returning to the basketball court to play.

My buddy Jamie waiting for me at the curbside after I went to retrieve my forgotten lunch, even though we’d both be late to school.

And so where does that spirit go? How does it get lost? Answers vary in breadth and depth.

Raised by mothers since fathers left for the industrial age job market, males haven’t always received the mentoring by their own kind. After the farewell of the fraternity brother, the male, through the collective unconscious mandate, would enter the structure of the family into small boxes where males would be partnered with the female. Many men have found themselves isolated, disconnected from a tribe, and rushing to females – when upset – for security, acceptance and an ear to be heard and understood. Softened and “feminized,” some men have lost the strength and confidence that can actually be fostered through the trust and bond with those of their own ilk – other men.

And our way back? Somehow the males must find it. And many do in their own way … mostly without words, without fanfare – for that would belittle in some odd way that which we find sacred.

For me, in the mid-1990s, after realizing most of my friends were females, I searched for other men’s groups but didn’t find anything powerful, raw or masculine enough until I attending The Men’s Weekend in November 1997. From there I continued on a men’s team, which would meet each week to rekindle, remember and reinstate the innocence of free expression, the fun of outrageous competition, the trust of a brother in arms, and a masculine bond that words can not define.

It’s where I could retrieve my buddy Jamie, from the far outskirts of Irvine … back to the old Huntington Beach neighborhood game of hide and seek, right there on our own front lawns.

James Anthony Ellis is a writer and producer who also runs, as Division Coordinator, the San Diego Men’s Division, which is part of the international non-profit organization, MDI, dedicated to mentoring men into their greatest success. He can be reached at JιmEllis11О3(at)yahοo.сom.

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